What is it really like to date a Trans Woman?
A lot of men see me as a kind of fetish. I went on a date recently, and the guy said, “Ah, I’ve never dated a trans woman before”.
He went on to say he’d been wondering how I’d tucked my “penis” away. When I told him I have a vagina, he replied, “Oh my god, no way.”
Because of the ‘label’ of being trans, people have this fixed idea of me. Not every trans woman is the same, and that’s what people need to realise. We’re definitely not all the same in personality either. Plus, being trans means different things to different people.
I told that guy you can’t just assume all trans women have the same body. That’s like me assuming every man I date has a big chopper.
trust me, in my experience, they don’t. You can’t just stereotype and make your own assumptions.
I go on dates with so many men that treat the date almost like some kind of information finder. They ask so many questions like, “So how did you do this?” You should be dating me as a person, not some kind of Google search about what trans is.
If you’re curious to find out about what trans women go through, do that research yourself.
On a date, I want to be treated as any other woman does. So talk about normal date things, and ask me questions like, “What are you into?” and “What music do you listen to?”
One straight guy I dated said, “It’s funny I’ve met you because I have been questioning my sexuality a bit recently”. I was like, “Woah, I’m going to stop you right there”. People don’t seem to understand sexuality and gender are two completely different things.
Because you’re dating a trans girl, it does not affect your sexuality at all. I told him, “You’re attracted to me because I’m a woman. When you saw me, did you think, ‘wow that’s a hot woman’? Exactly. You’re attracted to me as a woman, so you’re still straight”.
People I know have said to me, “I’ve got this guy I want to introduce you to, he’s gay as well.” And I’m like, “No, I’m a straight woman.” So many people get this confused. It’s really not that difficult to understand.
There is still a lot of stigma around straight men dating trans women. A lot of straight men get a lot of opinions thrown at them about their sexuality because of it. But remember no, she’s a woman. Just because you’re dating a trans woman, it doesn’t make you any less of a man, or any less straight.
Because of that stigma, people I date often feel they need to keep me a secret. And that’s disrespectful. I don’t blame straight men for having that mentality, because of the way society treats them. But, equally, I – and all trans women – deserve to be showed off, and with someone who’s open about being in a relationship with me.
I see there’s a real beauty behind a woman’s transition. After going through a lot, we’ve come out as beautiful butterflies. Appreciate our journey and courage.
Rejection is something every human being can fear sometimes. I definitely put on this front that I don’t care, and will say, “I’m fine without you anyway.” But I’ll go home and cry my eyes out. I just want to be accepted for who I am.
Three years ago, the first thing I’d say if I was approached by a man was, “I’m trans.” I was scared of what would happen if they found out later. But then, as time went on, I realised that being trans doesn’t define someone.
Now, I don’t always tell men I date straight away. I will tell them eventually, but I’d rather they get to know me for me, rather than make their assumptions. I’d rather they just got to know me as woman, first.
What everyone should understand about dating a trans woman. Don't treat me like a Google search. That's like me assuming every man I date has a big chopper.
trust me, in my experience, they don't. Because you're dating a trans girl, it does not affect your sexuality at all.
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